How Do I Learn to Trust?

Usually being hurt, lied to or cheated on in the past is what makes trusting more difficult as you move on to different relationships.

Or perhaps, this guy has been displaying red flags that say you should not trust him. For example, he stays out late all the time and gives you minimal information on where he’s been. Or he wants to keep your relationship secret. Or he treats you like a queen when you’re a lone, but hardly acknowledges you in public. These would all be signs that he isn’t worthy of your trust. If this describes your relationship, you have reason to be weary. Tell him to change his act or you will be moving on. If he is not showing any signs of being untrustworthy, please continue reading.

First of all, good for you for taking the leap of faith and getting involved in a relationship again. That in itself is a hard step and takes a certain amount of trust to do so. You can choose to not trust and try to keep yourself safe from hurt. Or, you can allow yourself to be vulnerable and open up the doors to a whole new world as you begin truly sharing it with someone. I highly recommend the latter. Distrusting him will not protect you from getting hurt. By protecting yourself and distrusting, you will weaken and eventually ruin your relationship, which leads to heartache, the very thing you are trying to protect yourself against.

If you let go and begin trying to trust, your relationship will begin to grow. You will realize that each time you trust him and he proves you right, you will feel closer to him. One thing that you need to understand is there are no guarantees in life, including relationships. We can do many things to ensure happiness in a relationship, like finding a compatible partner, but that still doesn’t guarantee we won’t get hurt. He could be killed in a car crash tomorrow, or he still could hurt you. But the old adage, it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all is very true when we have loved someone deeply and have had that love returned.

So, decide if this guy is a good match for you. If he is, let go and be vulnerable. It will enrich your life as you enjoy the journey with a true friend who knows you for all the good and bad and loves you just the same. There is nothing more satisfying and reassuring to know that you are unconditionally loved. This relationship will not happen overnight. It will take time and patience on both your parts. Let him know the importance of keeping your trust as you try to open up.

As you open up, focus on the good things that are happening as a result, not the fear that you may be experiencing from being vulnerable. Recognize where the feelings of jealousy are coming from. (Probably an ex-boyfriend) and direct those feelings toward those who caused it, not your new boyfriend who had nothing to do with it. You will be glad you did.